Today I am sad, I am angry, I am upset, and I am feeling a little bit hopeless.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a teacher. When I did my student teaching, I KNEW teaching was perfect for me. Teaching makes me happy, I honestly feel like it is what I was born to do.
And while I don't want to whine and complain and feel sorry for myself, I am just so FRUSTRATED right now.
We had "teaching meetings" today, and I was hoping to get some good news about my job for next year. And while I didn't get the worst news (aka: "No job for you next year") it isn't what I would call good...by a long shot.
To be a full time teacher at my school you must be considered 12/12. (I am currently 4/12). Next year my position will become 11/12. Sounds great right? Nearly full time! However, it is looking quite likely that this 11/12 will in fact become a FULL time. What's wrong with that you ask?
As soon as my position becomes full time, it will be opened to district employees, and potentially outside candidates. I heard a rumor today that there are some Middle School teachers chomping at the bit to get into the high school. Not good for me. If the position is opened to outside candidates, I would have to go through the interview process (again) and could potentially face off against someone with more experience (and frankly more talent). Again, not good for me.
I'm trying not to be dramatic, but in the pit of my stomach I just don't have a good feeling.
I want to teach! More than anything! Why is it so hard for me to just get/keep a job?
It is so unbelievably depressing to think about going back to subbing. No matter what anyone says, it makes me feel like a failure.
It hurts to feel that way about yourself. Very much so. And hurts to potentially not be able to do something you love.
I've been praying for two years now to get a full time job. I keep hoping beyond hope that something will work out for me. But when, WHEN will it be my time?
I'm keeping my fingers tightly crossed. But after two years of failure, I think mine may be broken.
4 comments:
Whitney - Interviewing other candidates for a new FT position is just a legal requirement the district needs to fulfill so they don't get sued. Don't take it personal.... they very well may wish they could transition you to FT without jumping through all the legal hoops.
Just be energetic and enthusiastic in the interview. Let your joy & desire to teach/coach students come through. You've already put "the money in the bank" at this place with your part-time work - the interview is just a formality. They won't learn anything new about you - just show them that you really, really want the job.
Also... remember that experience does not equal better candidates. "Older" more experienced teachers cost more money, there is the perception that they have less energy/enthusiasm, there is the perception that they may be "stuck in their ways", unable to relate to the youth, etc, etc. While experience/age does bring its upside in the job-search, it also has disadvantages. Make sure you take advantage of your strengths in the interview process, be confident, and remember these "experienced" candidates have their own real & perceived short-comings to deal with when interviewing against a young, energetic, youthful candidate whose already shown her stuff to the school AND goes above & beyond by coaching to boot.
Good Luck! Be confident!
Winks,
I'm so sorry that you've had such a hassle getting a job. This isn't terrible news though! Nate is right about the interview probably being a formality, and about your youth being a potential advantage instead of a disadvantage. Jonah's school district LOVES hiring young teachers. You can do this!
(Plus, you can always live in my spare room and teach my cat history! I would hire you in a heartbeat!)
Winky. This makes me so sad. You were born to teach, I have no doubt about it. I really hope that an opportunity comes up soon. I have no doubt about it. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!! Hugs and kisses from me and Kaya!
Oh Whitney! It breaks my heart to hear (read) you say you're feeling hopeless. Things will get better and the right opportunity will show up. I know it's hard but try to stay positive!
And look how cute this piglet is: http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkjmomDkIx1qalbabo1_500.jpg
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